God in Light and Shadows

It is a busy time here in Rome. Dan Weiske, a good and close friend from last year at Mundelein, is in the middle of his visit. The weather is finally starting to cool down, and it is raining more often. It is not too cold in the city yet, usually I only need to wear a sweater or a light jacket around town. With the cool weather the atmosphere has cleared up, and I can clearly see snow falling on the mountains that surround Rome. My Italian teacher in August said that she thought that it would be cold winter. I do not know how she knows this, but Italians really take "old-wives tales" very seriously, and she was saying something about caterpillars and dogs that I didn't understand. So who knows?

Last night I went to Vespers with the Monastic Community of Jerusalem at Santismma Trinta' dei Monti, the church at the top of the Spanish steps. The specific charism of this community is "to promote the spirit of the monastic desert in the heart of cities." (See their website [in French] at http://jerusalem.cef.fr/). They are allowed their own monastic psalter, so their vespers service does not correspond to our breviary. It is very beautiful and prayerful though. It starts with a ceremony centering around Christ as our light, which includes an incensing of the altar and lighting a row of candles. It then goes into a number of psalms and readings in French interspersed with periods of silence for meditation, and concludes with the Magnificat and Te Deum in Italian. Since it is first vespers for Sunday, they see this service as the beginning of Sunday and as an invitation to enter into the day of prayer, so it is not ended with a formal dismissal or blessing. It is actually very simple and prayerful. Since I do not know French (or Italian all that well) nor the chant modes, I guess some people would say that this liturgy is not open to "active participation," but this is simply not true. Our Holy Father, in line with the Council Fathers, sees the primary aspect of active participation as a participation on the "altar of the heart," and these Vespers through the interplay of light and darkness, sound and silence, common gestures draw me into the spiritual reality that no matter what the language there is a sacramental aspect to prayer, especially the liturgy of the hours.

As far as the Italian is going and the Italian exam, let's just say that the Gregorian University is inviting me, along with two-thirds of my class-mates, to study Italian for sixty more hours. It is funny since I really do have understand most of the lectures. I can read fairly well in Italian. But that is the way things are, and it will not hurt me to study Italian a little more. Classes in general are going great. It is a lot of self-learning, since I need to do a lot of reading on my own, but I enjoy this. I can understand all of my professors, except for one. This is Father Tanner, S.J., who teaches Ancient and Medieval Church History, and he is an authority on this subject. He is brilliant, and yet no one can understand him. Like most of the professors at the Gregorian he is not a native Italian (he is British in origin), so Italian is not his first language (with him it might be his eighth). He speaks an odd hybrid between Italian and academic Oxford-style English. I usually find this to be a good time to write letters home. To be honest.

In other aspects I am doing well. It is time to start visiting apostolate sights, so that is what is what I have been doing. It has been interesting. I have been visiting hospitals and soup kitchens in Rome with some of the "old men." This past Friday I visited a soup kitchen which is run by a Catholic lay movement of Sant'Egidio. (See their website at http://www.santegidio.net/en/index.html). What is very different from my previous experiences working in soup kitchens was that this environment was much more pleasant than I have previously worked in. Instead of having the clients go through a soup line we serve them as waiters. They are given choices on what to they want to eat, and in general in this one little soup kitchen at the bottom of the back side of the Janiculum hill their dignity is respected. It was very nice. I hope I get an assignment in this area, since it is the area that I have the least experience with, and I also very much feel drawn to it. When I walk the streets of Rome and see people asking for money, I feel drawn to them. I do not know how to handle them, since I am told it is foolish to give them money. I can't help it sometimes though. I will also take oranges from the college and give them away. At the very least I look at them, and try to offer them a kindness of the heart. If I had to be materially poor, I think I would much rather be so in the United States, since we seem to have a better tolerance for them. In Italy they are getting fed-up with them, and this is getting expressed in official policy such as a few weeks ago when the city of Rome bulldozed some of the squatters' camp on the outskirts of the city.

Another star in the sky tonight.

In ancient times the Greeks and Roman thought that the stars where holes in the sky in which the heavenly light showed through. So that is why they looked to the sky to study the stars since at that moment they were glimpsing bits of heaven. By extension than it is easy to believe that in this scheme when our souls and the souls the our loved ones go to heaven that a new star is added to the celestial beauty. Tonight look up and you will see one more star, since the sweetest old lady that you ever have met is know looking down toward us and blessing us from heaven. My grandmother, Dolores Caroline Schmidt, died suddenly Sunday, October 28, 2007. Her long good-bye to her husband Jerome is now over, as he preceded her to prepare a spot in heaven for the both of them. She now has all the time to chat with Michael and Shirely, her two children who also were called back to God before her, and Michael her grandchild. We miss, and love her, but also know that she is supremely happy with those who love her in heaven and God who loved her so much that he shared her with us for eighty good years.

Some Silence and Wild Boar Sausage

To prepare for the start of lectures at the Greg a few of us headed out to the little town of Norcia in Umbria for some nice rest and relaxation. Umbria is the region that Assisi is in, so if you can imagine the landscape you can imagine the surrondings of Norcia. I think Norcia is prettier though since there is less development, less touristy, and it is greener. It is famous as the birth place of Saint Benedict, and also for its wild boar sausage.

WHY DID I TAKE A PICTURE OF BENEDICT'S BACK? To show that he leads me and many others in prayer. As someone leads you, you see their back, hence the imagine of the priest facing the same way as the people during Mass, it is the priest leading his people to heaven.

Norcia has everything you would imagine a little Italian town to have. More churches than you could possibly visit, a nice example of a medieval town wall, beautiful little narrow streets, good food, friendly people (almost no one knows English), and at least this weekend Oktoberfest (wait, Oktoberfest in an Italian town?). This is my friend Jeff from Portland and I enjoying some nice tasting German style leg of pork.

This is the main church in Norcia, the Basilica of Saints Benedict and Scholastica, they are twins. It is built above their place of birth. Even though it is one of the most important places for the Benedictines, for a long time they had no monastery here in Norcia. Recently a group of American Benedictines re-founded the monastery here. They hosted us, and taught us what Benedictine hospitality was all about. They also sing real-real-good. You can check out some of their music on their website: http://www.osbnorcia.org/
As I said Norcia is famous for its wild-boar sausage. Now a little ITALIAN LESSON: If you want to know where to buy something in Italian, find the same for the item in Italian, and add -eria at the end, and you got the name of the store. Example: gelato + eria = gelateria. As you can see this is a Norin-eria. They sell a little bit of NORCIA! These are all products typical of Norica that we can bring home, and it shows how proud they are of their community and really I think this can be an example to the US, which well each town seems like the next one. Be proud of what makes your little town unique. Perhaps when I get pack to the US of A, I will see a Green Bay-eria, or a Manitowoc-eria?

THE FOLLOWING ARE PICTURES FROM MY RETREAT AT THE

VENERABLE ENGLISH VILLA

WHICH IS ACROSS THE LAKE FROM CASTLE-GONDOLFO, THE POPE'S SUMMER HOUSE

The Apostolic Palace from the front door of the villa.
During the retreat I did a lot of hiking. The retreat house was half way up the mountain from the Lake Alban, so there was some very scenic hikes on the way down to the lake. The land is so steep that is slides down the side of the mountain, taking trees with it. This creates a "hanging-forest" appearance that I really liked. This area also includes some Roman ruins.

Sorry Two Months (Can we say B*U*S*Y)

Sorry to all for taking so long to update this. After two months perhaps I have lost some or all loyal readers. It has been a busy two months. But very active and spiritually moving. I cannot really put into words what has all happened within my heart, but I feel much closer to God in the end of it.
The transition to seminary abroad, to NAC, to being in Italy. Well it has been much more difficult than I thought it would be. I went for a little emotional roller coaster ride, but what is very much consoling is that I have felt myself growing ever closer to God in all of this. Reflecting on the Gospel passage: "Unless a grain of wheat falls to the ground and dies, it shall never bare fruit," it has all become more real to me. It is something I understood before in some over superficial way, but know much more into the heart.
How do I update over two months? I really cannot say I know how to. I have a lot of pictures though so perhaps that will help.

This is from a day trip while I was in language school in Verbania. It is a giant statue of Saint Charles Borromeo. He is the patron saint of seminaries, so of course is close to my heart. I will devote a separate post to the beauties of Verbania and Lago Maggiore.

This is a view of the Pope's gardens at Castelgondolfo. Very beautiful. They are usually not open to the public, but it was a special favor to us when we were there to receive the blessing of His Holiness.

The whole class of new men took a two night trip to Assisi. It moved me spiritually more than I thought it would, since I never had a large devotion to Saint Francis. I loved taking walks in the country side around the town. There are olive trees for those who have never seen olive trees before. The shimmer like silver under the Umbrian sun.

The basic skyline of Siena. I spent two weeks here for language school. The Cathedral is on the left with the tower and the dome. It was very beautiful, but there is sadly a charge to enter. It is treated more like a museum, rather than the House of God. Did not Jesus act on this some how?

It is slowly sinking in.

I think it can be hard for people to know what it is like to pack up and move to a foreign country. My first few days in Italy, well it was a vacation, and it did not really sink into me what it meant to be across an ocean, away from much of what I consider to be familiar, and comfortable. I have now been settled into Verbania for two weeks, and this is the longest I have stayed in any place in Italy so far. It is starting to sink in. It is starting to become real. I don't want people to think that I regret coming, I don't. It is just a surreal reality. I am starting to become uncomfortable, starting to realize what it is like to not be able to come home due to the immense geographic distances. I am encountering people very different then what I am used to. I am encountered prejudices within myself that I did not even know I have. By all worldly standards I should be scared -- I am outside of my comfort zone. But....

But God did not build us for this world, but for the world to come. At times, yes I am scared, and sad, but this passes. What does not pass is that I can kneel down and pray. Encounter Him who does not change. To experience His Spirit dwelling in me, and through what I do experience and will experience, know that he is forming me. I know now at times it will hurt, but I remember what C.S. Lewis says about a sculpture. Each blow of the chisel causes it dear pain, but in the end it is a shining masterpiece. It will hurt, it will involve self sacrifice, it will mean renouncing, and mean leaving and even being forced from my comfort zone. In the end I am Christian though, and this means I am part of the people of Hope. I remember the last line of "Amazing Grace": "When we'd been there ten thousand years, bright shining as the Sun..." It is through this all that He, the one who loves me, Jesus, polishes me so that yes, one day I will be bright shining as the sun.

Still need to up-date much with pictures:
1) Siena
2) Volterra
3) Verbania
4) Switzerland

Well I saw the Pope (again)

The next day was the Pallium Mass and the Feast of Saints Peter and Paul. Of course being in Rome this is a big holiday. Businesses are closed, no school, etc. The North American College is always very good about providing tickets for the big events at the Basilica of Saint Peter. So a whole crew from NAC headed on over to the "bid ol' Church" for the Mass. For my first Papal Mass, it was very beautiful. What is most striking is that there were literally people from every corner of the world there. The Mass was celebrated using five different languages, French, English, Spanish, German, and Latin. It was really my first experience of the Catholic Church as catholic. As the book of Revelations say, "You [Christ] were slain, and with your blood you purchased for God men of every people and race, nation and tongue, and every tribe." The Catholic Church is the most inclusive institution in the world, never is it asked before baptism about nationality, income, race, intelligence, or any other factor, expect to be human, a beloved child of God. What is should do to the individual Catholic is to expand his heart, so that he can love men of ever nation and tribe. Wow! Does that ever sound difficult, but we do not do this alone. This love, pure and filled with truth and light, comes to us from God. It comes through any means God chooses (notice, not any means we choose, God is in charge here), primarily through the liturgy. It is the living again of the mystery of the incarnation, passion, and resurrection of Jesus Christ. At Mass God comes to earth, and through the power of the Holy Spirit in the sacrament we are brought, crossing the boundries of space and time, to experience being at the foot of the Cross. It is through this that God gives us the gift of the pure Christian love that can expand our heart of make room for all people. Fr. Ronald Rolheiser says this is good prepartion of heaven where you will be with "men of every race, and tonuge..." Just think this was only once Mass, imagine what the next five years will be like.

First Full Day In Rome

Well a lot has happened in the last two and a half weeks, since my last entry. First of all I AM IN ROME. After arriving on Wednesday evening Rome time, the college picked up two other seminarians and me at the airport. After one quick and crazy drive to the college, the firs thing we did before dinner, unpacking, showering, shaving, sightseeing, was to celebrate the Holy and Perfect Sacrifice of the Mass. Molta bella! It was a cold cena (supper) that was help over for us, since the college knew we would be famished. We had one quick tour of the whole place and then off to bed since we were exhausted. Ho molto stenco!

The next morning was mass and breakfast, and my first experience of the wonders of the Italian bureaucracy at in action (more like inaction), since the saintly Elena, the secretary to the rector took us to get our residency papers. I am after all a temporary immigrant to Italy. Let’s just leave it at “it was quite the experience.” After that was the first of firsts, my first pranzo (lunch) at the college. Romans and Italians in general have a gracious tradition of making noon-lunch a long a relaxing meal. This is dying off in many parts of Italy, but is still holding strong at the North American College. It starts with prima coursa (first course) of soup or pasta (maybe rice or potatoes), then the secunuda coursa (surprise, surprise: second course) of meat, fish, eggs, or cheese with a vegetable. Next comes the salad which is dressed at the table, and then fruit. On feast days the whole deal is preceded by antipasti (appetizers), and followed by desserts. Wine is served at every table. Pranzo a P.N.A.C. e’ molto buono! I will get very accustomed to this.

(A view from my window, the NAC Chapel is to the right, and I would have a good view of the hills that surrond Rome if Saint Peter's wasnt' in the way, chuckle.)

Now it was time for a trek into the city for the first time to run a little errand of buying clerical shirts, since in Rome seminarians where the clerical shirts that you are used to seeing on priest, and they are cheaper in Rome, so I went to buy some. (You might think that the previous sentence was a run-on sentence, but as far as I can tell long sentences are encouraged in the Italian language), saw some sights during this trip, like the Pantheon, which is an ancient Roman temple dedicated to all the gods. It is famous because of its age (almost two thousand years), and because of the giant hole in its dome, which is called an occuli. It owes its survival to being converted by Christians into a church dedicated to Mary and the Roman Martyrs.

Well it was my first day in Rome and I have seen most the places that I wanted to see in my first few days, except that there was one person that I wanted to pray with that I had not yet met. So I hoped on a bus with my friend Anthony Craig from Duluth, Minnesota to go to Vespers at the basilica of Saint Paul Outside the Walls. Saint Paul is one of the four major basilicas in Rome; this means that it is very big, very beautiful, and very important. It was recently in the news, since the tomb of Saint Paul was rediscovered within its walls this past spring. Vespers is an evening prayer service based off of the psalms. All priests and sisters are required to pray it, and the laity is encouraged to pray it. Unlike the United States, it is actually fairly common for parishes in Rome and the rest of Italy to have vespers services daily or weekly. What was significant about this vespers service was that I got to pray with the person that I was hoping to pray with, that person being Benedict XVI. He was the presider at vespers at Saint Paul Outside the Walls. It was even quasi-historical since he proclaimed a jubilee year of Saint Paul. A whole year devoted to the life of Saint Paul during which the faithful are encouraged to pray over his works (most of the New Testament), make pilgrimage, and in general it is a time of renewal of the spiritual life. Not bad for my first full day in Rome is it?

After vespers Anthony and I met up with a mutual friend from Chicago, Andrew Liagminus for dinner at a little local Roman trattoria, called Abruzzi. It was very delicious. Melons are currently in season in the area around Rome, so of course we enjoyed the prosciutto and melon for antipasto, and for the meat course I had some delicious ossobuco. Ossobuco is one of the signature dishes of Rome, although it can be had in other areas of Italy. It is a roasted veal shank, with the marrow bone still in. Usually it is served with peas and mashed potatoes. What is memorable about ossobuco is that the marrow is still in the bone, so it is Roman custom to suck or slurp the marrow out at the end of the course. It is actually very good. The rest of the evening was spent walking the streets of Rome, and talking with Anthony, and with Andrew, who I probably will not see again for two more years. It was a late night upon returning to the college.

I am off.

Optional Memorial of Saint Josemaria Escriva

If any of you are in Rome in the next five years, drop me a line and stop by for a visit. The best way to contact me is email at roman.seminarian.gbdioc@gmail.com

Saint Josemaria Escriva -- Ora Pro Nobis.

(Nervous as all heck -- so I am flying with Mary and Joseph in my prayers)

Summer Days (Daze?)

How do I start to describe my much abridged summer? For a while I had felt abandoned by God. But this is not really fair -- he is present everywhere, at all times. No the problem has been with me. Why have I spotted my "hour of power?" A daily commitment to prayer. It is odd going from the environment of seminary, in which the very structure of the day facilitates the interior life -- holy hour with adoration, communal Liturgy of the Hours, mandatory Mass, and plenty of solitude and quiet. Then there is home. Being home really is a blessing, especially considering how short my stay home is in comparison to two years in Rome. But now I have the challenge, and every challenge is really an opportunity, a graced moment that God wishes to use to teach us, yes a very "sacrament of the moment," to make the spiritual life a personal relationship with God, one Incorporated into the fabric of my life, not imposed from an external institution, even the most benevolent institution like a Roman Catholic Seminary.

How am I doing? Well to be honest horrible, but this just reflects my own weakness and my dependence on the regiment of the seminary. I have fallen -- into old habits of sinfulness in both thought and deed, and I have been half-hearted in my spiritual life ("my love is not for half-hearted men...").

So my prayer was a prayer of awaiting -- waiting for the presence of God to come to me. This was a false-prayer though. God is radically present -- at each moment. This has been my focus for the last week and a half -- the presence of God. God is not the God of the dead, but of the living -- living is present. God is of the present. He meets me now.

Man, Am I Tired.

The last week of finals really drained me. This is surprising since I do not usually get tired out with academic work and my finals load was not really all that hard. It has been one of those rich weeks though looking back on it. It is hard to believe everything that has gone on in the last seven days.
Tuesday was great -- going into the great all American city of Chicago to get my Italian VISA. I am a country bumpkin through and through, but I love walking the streets of cities and just being with people. It will be my last visit to Chicago in awhile, and it was nice to just have the walk down Adams street, up Michigan and across the bridge to the Italian Consulate.

It was also a great taste of Italian buecracy inaction (lack of action). What I think is draining is that do to this schedule I have missed my "hour of power" for three days in a row, and that is just wiping me out.

I was actually very happy when I went to Marytown for confession on Thursday night and I had to wait in line for over an hour. Just an hour to think, and reflect.


It was a treasure. Today was the ordination for the great archdiocese of Chicago at Holy Name Cathedral. Jesus now has thirteen new priests to serve him. Praise be the LORD, now and forever.

"Jesus Christ, A priest forever, like Melchizedek, Offered Break and Wine."

Farewell Mundelein

My year at Mundelein is almost over. First thoughts are that it went really quickly, much quicker than I thought it would, and I am really grateful for having a chance to be here, to encounter God here, to meet the men that I have met here. It as been a great experience for me. It is time to say good-bye to this, and move on to another part of my life.

VIEW OVER THE LAKE

One of the best parts of being at Mundelein was to have time to reflect on going to Rome. At the beginning of this last summer I had told the diocese that I was willing to go, but inside I was anxious and unsettled. I was going because I was asked to go, but did not feel called to go. It was during the many quiet conversations with Fr. Murphy and the abundant silence, in which God's voice is heard, that I really started hearing that ancient voice that was telling me that he would still be there in Rome.

INTERIOR OF THE CHAPEL

I also think that I have really have grown too. I can thank some of the more difficult men at Mundelein for this. There are not many, but a few seminarians, who seem to try and make life in community more difficult for the other seminarians. It was during these interactions that I started started to see the slight sliver of what it means to love like God loves. To look at that person, who I honestly want to turn my back to, and see the good within them and try to draw it out. That is why I think God puts difficult people in our lives, so that we can learn how to love as he loves, because which people has been more obeisant then us? Yet God still loves us.

NICE (OLD) VIEW THAT I FOUND

I have included some pictures from Mundelein.

Some Thematic Pictures

An aerial view of Pontifical North American College, the dormatories are the three wings on the left that make a zig-zag, and the chapel is on the right (towering four stories high).

Crest of North American College, where I will be living and be spiritually and pastorally formed to be a priest for the third millenium.

This is pretty much what the view from my front door will look like, not bad for a typical walk to school.

Flag of Vatican City

View of the Nave of Saint Peter Basilica, the heart of the One, Holy, Catholic, and Apostolic Church, I think this is looking east.

Ponifical Gregorian University, also known as the "Greg." This is where I will be studying for at least the first three years (called first cycle), and possibly second cycle (the last two to three years). For the first three years all classes are taught European-style lectures in Italian.

Rome: Episode One

Almost three weeks ago. I was up at Saint John Vianney at the University of Saint Thomas, visiting Ryan, Drew, and T. Craig, who had already purchased his ticket for Rome. So last Sunday I decided to buy mine from Aer Lingus (go Ireland) (Chicago to Dublin to Rome). By co-incidence it happens to be the same flight that Tony is on, which will be good since this I am not an experienced flier, and this is my first time having to go through customs and all that jazz. This is all good, and the excitement is starting to build, since now in my hands I have an actual flight itinerary, making the whole prospect of going to Rome much more real, much more tangible. It is just the build up to greater news though.

The very next day (Monday, April 30) I received the email equivalent of the thick packet from the Pontifical North American College (PNAC). As you can imagine this excited me to no end for this whole past week. So come June it is off to Ireland and Italy, come August it is moving next door to the Pope (almost literally, PNAC and the Vatican are about a quarter mile apart), come September it is time to start lectures in a language that I do not yet know.

I really am filled with a profound sense of gratitude for having this opportunity before. I do not know what I will be asked to do in the next few month, the next five to six years, or where this will all lead me during my time on earth, but I trust that I am getting lead along the right path.

Esto Vir Christi